I give them full credit for moving, but dock them points for spreading bad advice.
I’m probably going to get into a lot of trouble for this one but, fuck it, I’m going to post it anyway. Be warned: this post is only tangentially about sex.
Last week, I was waiting in the dance school’s lobby while my son enjoyed his Hip Hop class. The next class scheduled to use that particular studio was going to be a Zumba® class. Apparently, that class is very popular with middle-aged, single women.
I say that because, half an hour before their class was supposed to start, class members began to arrive and “warm up” — mostly by running their mouths like a bunch of hens on crack cocaine.
Really, it wasn’t really as bad as that. They weren’t pecking, pooping, or laying eggs all over the lobby. They were, however, clucking endlessly without regard to the fact that there were other people in the room. Topics I was forced to endure included: arthritis; hot flashes; hypo-allergenic dogs; and dieting.
Please understand that I want to give these women full credit for taking charge of their health and fitness.
- They’re getting out of the house and socializing. (Great for combating depression.)
- They’re taking a dance class. (Great for overall fitness.)
- They’re getting hypo-allergenic dogs. (Great for reducing allergens.)
I draw the line, however, at the dieting. In my offline life, I am (among other things) a fitness instructor. That’s not to say that I’m an expert on nutrition or that I possess the secret to instant, effortless weight loss. But I have learned a few things during my twenty-fie years of gym time.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that you should always look at the guru before accepting any advice. See the women in the picture above? They’re not the same women that I was penned in with, but they’re very similar in size and shape. Listening to them exchange dieting advice and weight-loss tips was amazing, irritating, and grim. (Kind of like watching a car wreck: you know you should help but it’s already too late to prevent the damage.) Things I overheard, and I quote:
- “I’ve only had a blueberry muffin since breakfast, so I’m way below my calorie count for the day. At least I think I am.”
- “I ate a turkey sandwich for lunch yesterday and it filled me up so much that I only ate one slice of cake for dinner.”
- “I don’t need to keep track of what I eat. I keep a running tally in my head and it usually turns out to be pretty accurate.”
That last one, my favorite the one that really sparked this rant, came from a woman who was, by my estimate, fifty pounds overweight.
There are all sorts of directions I could go with this post. I could talk about body-image issues, about harmful social norms, about the fact that I could have gotten up and walked away, or even joined the conversation and offered my own insights… but I didn’t. Just as there are social norms about the way women are “supposed” to look, there are also social norms against lone men insinuating themselves into gaggles of women and then dispensing weight-loss advice. It isn’t done. Not even if it’s good advice.
So, since I didn’t share my wisdom with them, let me go ahead and give it to you: If you’re going to ask for advice, make sure you check out the guru first. These women, with the exception of the Zumba® instructor herself, were all overweight. They had no business giving advice to, nor accepting advice from, one another. At least not about effective ways to lose weight.
The same is true about sex, too. There are legions of so-called and self-styled “experts” who will yell at you for having too much sex, not enough sex, the wrong kind of sex, the wrong kind of body, the wrong shape and size of penis, breast, mouth, etc., etc., etc.. Many of these experts will even have the gall to charge you money for their useless (often harmful) advice.
My advice to you (and it’s completely free) is to stop worrying about it. If it feels good and harms no one (planned, prior consent scenarios excepted), then go ahead and do it. If you’re enjoying yourself, then who cares what anyone else thinks?
There are occasions, of course, when it is a good idea to seek outside advice. If you feel like you need to get a professional opinion, then go ahead and get it. Just be sure to check out the guru first. If they don’t look like your ideal version of health, happiness, sexiness, or whatever else you’re looking for, then keep looking. Otherwise, you’ll be just like those women in the dance studio, passing inaccurate, ineffective weight-loss tips from one ignorant (if sincere) person to another.
Today’s photo, “Zumba® at BLA,” is by the San Jose Library and is used under Creative Commons licensing.
